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Joke of the Day

"My ex girlfriend was like a pile of shit. Always had a thousand eyes on her."

"Please tell me the grounds around mental hospitals have walking trails called psychopaths running through them."

"My kids don't drive me to drink. Can't wait until they get their license and they can though."

"This post has nothing to do with elephants. It's irrelephant."

"I wrote a poem: Dinosaurs, they used to roar, but... No more. Still mad atchu, meteor."

"If it weren't for double standards, some people would have no standards at all."

"TIL: In the 60's people started a music festival before Woodstock in Alabama. It's called ""Burning Church"""

"My friend accidentally shot off three of his toes He told me to get him to a hospital, I told him ""Sorry i'm Lack-Toes Intolerant""."

"Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet ? ""Why are we running so fast ?"" said one Because it says ""Tear along the dotted line"""

"Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes and that's why they are the late heads of Europe."