177594

Joke of the Day

"TIL: In the 60's people started a music festival before Woodstock in Alabama. It's called ""Burning Church"""

"SORRY I REPLACED EVERYTHING IN YOUR FIRST AID KIT WITH BAGS OF BEEF JERKY YOU MIGHT BE MAD NOW BUT YOU'LL THANK ME LATER"

"""U put on suntan lotion?"" ""No"" ""Youll get sunburned!"" *sun descends, his voice echoes loudly* ""NICE BICEPS BRO, UR LIL SISTER LOAN EM TO U?"""

"How to you get rid of the dandelions on your lawn? Paint one of them black; the others will move away."

"If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats. Then go look at Facebook for about 10 minutes."

"I hope Jackie Chan doesn't go the way of Eddie Murphy... I probably wouldn't be able to discern if he was playing every character in a movie or not."

"What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? Coincidence on 34th Street"

"How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11"

"I've been thinking of getting into the warehousing business... I've heard it's blowing up in China"

"They say I have cancer and Alzheimers... But at least I don't have cancer!"