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Joke of the Day

"My work out class has a cancellation policy of $15 if you cancel too late. Which means I just spent $15 NOT to work out. I am my own hero."

"When I asked for screenshots, I meant using the PRT SCR button, not shaky pictures of the screen with your phone, you idiot."

"9/11 never forget 11/9 always regret"

"My wife has been mad at me lately because she says I need to get my priorities straight... I told her we can talk about it after this episode of Spongebob."

"Have you ever smelled moth balls? How did you get his tiny little legs open?"

"Such double standards. My wife sleeps with like 10 pillows and I don't get mad but when... I pull out my dakimakura she threatens with divorce."

"A patient asked the dentist if it wasn't nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth. The dentist answered ""I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."""

"Why did the Siamese twins move to England? So the other one could learn to drive. Courtesy of the movie ""Man on the Moon""."

"Backache Darren This is a joke I wrote before I discovered reddit. I shall link to it thusly: http://vulpes-aurum.deviantart.com/art/Backache-Darren-149248532"

"Facebook features three types of women: hot, Photoshopped hot, and a dog for a profile pic."