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Joke of the Day

"Such double standards. My wife sleeps with like 10 pillows and I don't get mad but when... I pull out my dakimakura she threatens with divorce."

"have you ever wondered why stephen hawkins is in a wheelchair it's because he was getting smart with Chuck Norris"

"If Emblem were a bad employee... Would you Fire Emblem?"

"You're one in a million China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you're a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you."

"Why are elephants big and grey? Because if they were small and purple, they would be called grapes."

"How do you spot a meth - head in Wal-Mart... In the light - bulb isle with their cart turned upside down, fixing a squeaky wheel."

"As a cat burglar most of my late night break-ins are actually well orchestrated attempts to pet other peoples animals."

"Did you know that the Queen of England is a casual gamer? From what I hear, she mostly plays Nintendo games. So, would you call this proper use of the royal Wii?"

"Did you hear about the naked guy swimming in the river in Paris? He was in Seine"

"Million Dollar hipster food idea: Insta.ham"