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Joke of the Day

"Hey guy in your car behind me, Your honking isn't going to make me type any faster."

"Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move."

"What does toilet paper and office paper have in common? You can write on both of them with a No. 2"

"Nothing like an 8:00 meeting on a Monday morning to remind you that your best years are behind you."

"I have the perfect response to a text but its too mean Girl: What is your dumbest pet-peeve me: People asking stupid questions"

"What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off? I'll get you next slime!"

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong socks today"

"So let me get this right. The guys on big bang theory are super smart scientific nerds, yet their elevator is broken?!"

"Did you hear about the two ducks who got in a fight? Fowl play was suspected."

"I saw this sign that mad me shit my pants. It said 'bathroom closed'"