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Joke of the Day

"My dad was always drunk when I was a kid The punchline? It was my mom, then my sister, then me"

"When I die, I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car."

"I imagine colonoscopies are accompanied by the theme music from the underground level of Super Mario Bros."

"When the UPS guy hands you that pad where you digitally sign your name, you can put anything. Today I put ""lame shorts"" and nothing happened"

"I get erections are funerals. Guess you could say I have mourning wood."

"Where do generals keep their armies? in their sleevies"

"An introvert looks down at his own shoes. An extrovert looks at other people's shoes."

"The Mexican Magician A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, ""uno, dos..."" *POOF* The magician vanished without a tres."

"If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you're angry about oxygen and numbers."

"What's a moo hoo for a young calf? A new moo!"