226806

Joke of the Day

"What do you call the top wealthiest people in Mexico? The Juan percent."

"I'm not saying the character Merida was modeled after me, but I too would rather win an archery contest than be married."

"Son, who is that German guy who keeps hiding things in our house? Alzheimer, granpa."

"Why was the sand wet? Because the seaweed."

"I love doing crunches. *crunches Doritos* *crunches popcorn*"

"I heard William Shatner and Stevie Nicks are getting married. She's decided on a double barrelled name Stevie Shatner-Nicks"

"Why did the Computer Engineer retire young? He had a lot of cache."

"Before Midnight on New Years Eve, I raised my Left Foot off the Ground So I could be sure to start 2016 on the right foot"

"Double standards are not fair! When miley cirus gets naked and licks hammers its beautiful and artistic, but when I do it its weird, creepy and I get a life time ban from Ikea."

"A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds"