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Joke of the Day

"Decided to take all my old watches and join them together to make a new belt... turned out to be a waist of time."

"What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog"

"Your mom is so fat She's the trunk of the family tree"

"What does a vegetable use to change a flat? Asparagus..."

"How do you call a car designed for midgets? Half a Romeo. I'll show myself out."

"Last night after we had sex I asked my wife if she was faking it and she said ""no, I really was asleep."""

"[HR office] HR: you know why you're here, right? Me: HR: you can't ""contract"" Down's Syndrome & you can't call in sick with it"

"How can you tell which is the head nurse? The one with the dirty knees."

"My girlfriend's been listening to a lot of books on tape lately. She's going to get very good at measuring, wrapping and recording things."

"My girlfriend was on her. So I put it in her:"