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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's been listening to a lot of books on tape lately. She's going to get very good at measuring, wrapping and recording things."

"Some days I want to leave everything and just run away with him. Other days I want to own 3 baby dragons and be fireproof and naked."

"DINOSAUR PARTY TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!! *hands phone to T-Rex T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny."

"Which dinosaur knew... Q: Which dinosaur knew the most words? A: The thesaurus."

"I told my son if he doesn't step it up, I'm going to start living vicariously through someone else's kid."

"Date: So, what are you passionate about? Me: Haha, have you heard of gravy?"

"My grandmother hates it when I make spelling errors One might say she's a grandma nazi."

"A poster at the door of a church said, ""If you are tired of your sins, come in."" Someone used lipstick to write her number beneath it and added ""Call me, if not."""

"My girlfriend said she's break up with me if I didn't stop being a casanova. Apparently she doesn't like that I live in my Chevy."

"What do Native Americans call vegetarians? Poor hunters"