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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's been listening to a lot of books on tape lately. She's going to get very good at measuring, wrapping and recording things."

"What do you call a james bond film about a calculator? Casio royale"

"Several men were arrested when attempting to smuggle food additives into Cuba They were dubbed the Pirates of the Carrageenan."

"She's a 159er Oh shit, it's 1:59, I'll take her."

"So a deer walks into a gay bar... Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, ""Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."""

"The electoral college needs to go away. The tuition rates are out of control."

"How can a man go 7 days without sleeping? Sleep at night"

"First monster: I have a hunch. Second monster: I thought you were a funny shape."

"Well, they warned me that I'd go blind if I kept doing that... Sitting too close to the TV."

"If you're feeling lonely, dim the lights and watch a good horror movie. By the end of it, you won't feel like you're alone anymore."