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Joke of the Day

"[HR office] HR: you know why you're here, right? Me: HR: you can't ""contract"" Down's Syndrome & you can't call in sick with it"

"The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes."

"The fire service is attending to a man who is trapped after falling into a vat of bourbon at the Jim Beam factory. Although, he is said to be in good spirits."

"Why are white prisoners so scary? Because you know they did it."

"Dog 1: Help me with this crossword clue. Outer covering of a tree. 4 letters. Dog 2: woof? Dog 1: You're not even trying."

"I got a sweater for Christmas... ...but what I really wanted was a moaner or a screamer. From: Jerry ""The King"" Lawler"""

"What do you get with a woman majoring in woman's studies? I don't know but she'll never make as much as a man AND SHE KNOWS IT!"

"Things I learnt from Avatar: - Kill Smurfs while they're still young."

"I'm not a mechanic so I don't know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people."

"My iWatch says I masturbated for 6 miles today!!"