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Joke of the Day

"It's fine if you wanna shoot a buncha folks as long as you start with yourself. That's my only rule about it."

Next Joke
 
"What did a disappointed Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he fished up a Salmon? ""IT'S NOT A TUNA!!!"""
"My ex texted ""You've got a friend in me. XoXo"". I thought she was being too nice until I realized that she was talking about my buddy Dave."
"What I said : Just a trim, please. What hairdresser must've heard : Give me the Kim Jong-un."
"Did you hear Dora the Explorer is having trouble with her Tinder account? Swiper no swiping"
"How many nymphomaniacs does it take to screw in a light-bulb? As many as will fit."
"Daughter: Dad, can I have some Kit Kat for my snack tonight? Me: Absolutely not D: Why? M: Because I said so D: Because you ate them? M: Yes"
"*date* GIRL: I love hot tubs. Do you love hot tubs? LOBSTER: That's like the third time you've asked me that."
"him: what are u wearing me: I AM WREATHED IN VOID, AN EMPTINESS WHICH ADMITS NO LIGHT OR LIFE & SIGNALS THE END OF ALL THINGS him: thats hot"
"What do you call a sleepwalking nun? a Roman Catholic."