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Joke of the Day

"My ex texted ""You've got a friend in me. XoXo"". I thought she was being too nice until I realized that she was talking about my buddy Dave."

"what's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."

"I've been constipated for four days I'm getting real tired of this shit."

"I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup... Then I had a massive vowel movement"

"honey i shrunk the oreos just kidding they're mini oreos stop crying"

"Why do people say ""Cannonball"" when jumping into a pool, but no one says ""I'm jumping into a pool"" when firing a cannonball #Interesting"

"Marriage is like a deck of cards In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond... By the end you wish you had a club and a spade."

"If the tongue is a muscle I want your pussy to be my gym"

"What is a cow's favorite Bob Seger song? Night moooves. Sorry..."

"Don't ever mistake me for someone who hasn't flirted with danger. I've got bitten by a Penguin. Twice."