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Joke of the Day

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple. What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust."

"She has the body of a goddess and the face to defend it."

"LPT - If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of uncooked rice overnight. The rice will attract Asian people who will then fix your phone. Tried, tested, true"

"I used to do drugs... I still do em, but I used to too. RIP Mitch Hedberg"

"When is the best time to play racquet sports? Ten-ish."

"I once dated a girl who owned a parrot. The thing would never shut the f@#K-up! but the parrot was cool though!"

"*passes thru suburbs* roll up ur window, son. this is a bad neighborhood. this is where ppl who comment on newspaper articles live"

"I wish Fox News was just news about foxes."

"I dont want to make a joke but I really want to hear the most cancerous joke you know. If I get 100 of them I will show them all to my friend who hates cancerous jokes."

"You remind me of my big toe. Mainly, because I am going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own."