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Joke of the Day

"Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch."

"I hate broken down white cars on the side of the hwy. They look just like cops when I'm speeding & shitting my pants is getting really old."

"When doesn't a telephone work underwater? When it's wringing wet!"

"What's the difference between a dog and Windows 10? A dog knows what is 'no'."

"My favorite criminal intent: Robin Hood camping."

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look at the fresh prints."

"Democracy in North Korea is like the dislike button on facebook. Everybody wants it but they shall never get it."

"What's the opposite of Adele? Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)"

"How do you make an idiot easily wait ? I tell you tomorrow."

"I heard you guys like nooses..... We should hang together!!"