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Joke of the Day

"Me: What sound do dogs make? 3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses? 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs? 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon."

"There was a contest for the best pun. I submitted ten puns. I hoped that one would win, but... No pun in ten did."

"How do you put a baby to sleep? You rock them. What if it doesn't work? Use a bigger rock."

"Nintendo managed something astonishing in this week's Nintendo Direct announcements... People finally gave a shit about Cloud based gaming."

"Strings are usually pretty straight Unless they're knot"

"LPT: If you want to get all green lights just try to send a text."

"Today's lunch: Pan fried pork chops, cheesy hash brown casserole, peach cobbler, a quick defibrillation and two stents."

"Wow!!! I farted into my iPhone and Siri told me what I had for breakfast."

"My penis is nicknamed ""The Titanic""... ""Because it's so big?"" ""No,because it is a tragedy."""

"I could never be on a reality show because I wouldn't want my mom to see the faces I make when I talk to her on the phone."