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Joke of the Day

"Do you know the Pistorious drinking game? Every time your girlfriend comes into the room you take four shots."

"Due to the rapid response of and crackdown by the NYPD over the phrase, ""Put wings on"

"There is a fine line between ""important to me"" and ""dead to me."" Don't walk it."

"Got head from a Midget last night... I guess you could say I was blown out of proportion..."

"How many surreal artists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three, one to hold the giraffe, and one to put the clocks in the bath tub."

"Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out burning ducks."

"Donald Trump will ban the sale of shredded cheese He wants to make America grate again"

"'I am your God, and now it is night!' I say as I turn the fish tank light off."

"Ryan had to go potty real bad, but the door to the potty was Lochte."

"Was out a drive with my dyslexic mate... I notice there's something not right. ""Can you smell petrol?"" I say ""Smell petrol?! I can't even smell my name"""