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Joke of the Day

"When people ask me for directions Im just going to do a really slow sarcastic Macarena ."

"The new Batman is super realistic -- he's attracted to porch lights, makes your girlfriend scream and then the cat eats him"

"People that cut others off while talking should go to jail. But only serve half their sentence."

"Bank of America is halting foreclosures in all 50 states as part of an investigation into why 7 people in the U.S. still have homes."

"Oh, you're straight? Well, so is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet."

"6yo: I wish I was a bird so I could poop on peoples heads. 7yo: why do you need to be a bird? my 7yo is ready for twitter."

"Why are there no good jokes about the Jonestown Massacre? The punchline is too long."

"I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn't have to hear her say she's done."

"Pickup lines in /r/jokes? Stahp."

"My ex is so slutty... that if she had sex with a guy with Ebola, he would die of AIDS first."