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Joke of the Day

"This chick at Walgreens is totally hitting on me. What's your name? What's your address? Do you have any questions for the pharmacist?"

"I never scrape my back window so when I back out of parking spots I let Jesus decide if I'm gonna kill anyone"

"My silent frog died... After a noiseless life and a drawn out death, the little guy finally croaked."

"Why does Donald Trump secretly not want to become president? He'd have to move in to a smaller house in a black neighborhood."

"Wears a black shirt to a first dates house to see if shes lying about having cats"

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face"

"I've just sold some glass rockets to Kim Jong Un. I hope he's pleased with his new, clear weapons."

"Why did the gynecologist giggle during the pap smear? I don't know. It was an inside joke."

"""Did you watch Big Hero 6?"" ""No, I still haven't seen Big Hero 1-5."""

"You know you're clumsy when you drop a stick playing air drums."