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Joke of the Day

"Get a dog from the shelter for your kids and you're a hero but get a hobo from the shelter to babysit your kids and everyone gets all upset"

"Let's all smash our hands together repeatedly to indicate that we enjoyed that thing."

"Why don't you stamp e-mails? Because your foot would go right through the computer screen!"

"What does Sigmund Freud say comes between fear and sex? funf (it helps if you say it out loud, and understand German) :-)"

"Based on the reaction of the pharmacist who just sold me cold pills, I need to work on my ""I'm not going to make meth with these"" smile."

"*Puts on apron* *Places Pop Tarts on plate* *Removes apron*"

"Damn girl, is it just me, Or did I just damn you to hell for the sake of pick up line?"

"How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas? By spending a large fortune."

"How do you think the unthinkable? With an ithberg!"

"A man walked into a bar... He said ""Ow"""