225425

Joke of the Day

"I've invented a golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4 inches. They work brilliantly, just don't carry them in your back pocket."

"So many people say ""if my memory serves me correctly"" and I'm actually quite shocked at the amount of servants named Memory......."

"Freedom Isn't Free, So Stop Whining And Pay Your Taxes."

"Despite its deceivingly yummy smell, this bar of oatmeal almond soap tastes just like soap."

"I'm making a graph on my previous exs It has an Ex axis and a Why axis."

"The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"""Hey, mate, rumors have it that you won a car in a lottery, wanna hang out sometimes?"" ""Yeah, it's mostly true, except it was a house, not a car. And poker, not lottery. And lost, not won""."

"Why do pessimists always think it's the weekend? Because every day is a sadder-day."

"Hey, your parents conceived you the same year my parents conceived me, let us be friends! High school is stupid."

"A pediatrician and funeral guy opened up a business together. The sign out front said ""Either way, you get your kid back"""