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Joke of the Day

"When you get sloppy seconds and get her pregnant. You get a sloppy Joe."

"I do feel bad for some of you who complain about all the unwanted attention you get on Twitter. Maybe you should try notepad, or word."

"What's the fastest way to make a skeleton? Put a leper in a wind tunnel"

"Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes* Well that sucked."

"Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage? He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq"

"What do you call a Snake game that doesn't work? An E-Reptile dysfunction"

"What is the difference between a Mountain Lion and a Guppy? A Guppy likes to muck around the fountain; a Lion likes to fuck around the Mountain."

"I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic I mean, a ginger with two friends?"

"I use artificial sweetener at work. I add it to everything I say to my boss."

"What rock group has 4 dudes that don't sing? Mount Rushmore"