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Joke of the Day

"I just watched Harry Potter for the first time and it was a little unrealistic I mean, a ginger with two friends?"

"I like my women like I like my cigars 7 years old and coming from Cuba in a burlap sack"

"What did the joints say to the arthritis pain? Uh-Leave! I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come."

"Being a Calculator must be a huge responsibility... everyone is counting on them."

"If you light a fire for a man... He'll be warm for the whole day. If you throw a man in a fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a computer. My goodness you'd better come to my surgery right away! I can't my power cable won't reach that far."

"Hillary's mad at Satan Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me? Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?"

"Bieber enacts law in Arizona that requires Iron Man to clean up oil spill using an iPad. #help #allmynewscomesfromtwitter"

"Which sex position produces the most ugly babies? Ask yo momma. Sorry"

"what do you call a fast ghost? spooky gonzales"