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Joke of the Day

"I forgot to pluck my eyebrows while getting ready this morning. It was an oversight."

"Oh, you left me a voicemail? Next time just tape a note to the door of the apartment I moved out of six years ago."

"Why is Harry Potter so popular in prison? Because he catches all the snitches!"

"What did the Terminator say when he decided to take up piano? I'll be bach."

"What do you call six gay people at an amusement park? Six Fags"

"Lawyer: ""Now that you have been acquitted will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"" Client: ""After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning I'm beginning to think I didn't."""

"I came home and noticed my dishwasher was missing So I asked my kids what happened. Apparently she left me 3 days ago."

"What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? One minds the train the other trains the mind."

"""Imma let you spinach"" - Kanye ft. Popeye"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? I may take a while to get hard, I just got laid."