175060

Joke of the Day

"Oh, you left me a voicemail? Next time just tape a note to the door of the apartment I moved out of six years ago."

"What thinks the unthinkable? An ithe-berg"

"I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind.. It came completely out of the green"

"Sure... when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's ""sexy"" and ""art"" But when I do it I'm ""drunk"" and need to ""get out of Home Depot"""

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To say hello from the other side"

"I hate it when I go to clean my daughters room & I emerge 3 hours later having just finished a delightful tea party with a giraffe & a pony."

"A young pirate asks his old sea dog captain... .. why he wears a patch over one eye. The captain replies, ""Yarr, my parrot shat in me eye... And I wasn't used to me hook"""

"Why couldn't the duck stop smoking? Because he was a quack addict"

"If the FBI needs to get into someones's iPhone without permission.. They should just call U2 and ask how they did it"

"Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio."