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Joke of the Day

"Lawyer: ""Now that you have been acquitted will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"" Client: ""After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning I'm beginning to think I didn't."""

"Growing up my mom told me... I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft."

"So two men walk into a bar... Which is weird. You'd think the second one would have noticed it!"

"I never really liked gravity... ... It's always bringing me down."

"I had a good Fallout 4 pun in mind... but I forgot it Radaway..."

"ME: 3 Big Macs please. lol it's my cheat day CLERK: you ordered the same thing yesterday ME:[leans in] why don't u mind your own gd business"

"If the TV show 'Cops' has taught me anything it's to stay away from people with blurry faces, they always seem to attract trouble."

"What do running shoes and Neo-Nazis have in common? Both make Jews run faster! (Sorry, but as an agnostic Jew myself, I hope that it's okay for me to make this joke.)"

"WebMD says pregnancy symptoms are fatigue, tender breasts, irritability, cravings, and headaches. All chicks are pregnant. All. The. Time."

"I hate this place, as soon as I find my clothes, I am leaving."