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Joke of the Day

"My son just explained how he wants to make a necklace out of my hair which is totally normal & doesn't at all concern & terrify me."

"purposely bought tall lace up boots so I'll never have to be anywhere on time again"

"lazy limerick there once was a man from na-fuck it"

"Helpful Tip.. If you are ever cold just stand in a corner... There normally 90 degrees.."

"What do you call a cow who has just had an abortion? De-calf-inated"

"Quite the conundrum for us ass men... We cannot lie, but we must never trust a big butt and a smile. I'll see myself out now."

"A gymnast walks into a bar...(X-Post from /r/funny) He gets a two-point deduction and ruins all chances of a medal."

"It'd be pretty rad if the Pope's Twitter account was just Billy Joel's second Twitter account where he only tweets while on Ambien."

"Everyone is an atheist until you zip your fly up too quick Then its all Lord Jesus please help"

"I have an asian friend who always points out the obvious things I call him obvious lee"