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Joke of the Day

"If I was a police sketch artist I would be like ""is this the guy?"" And they would be like ""nope that's a barn"" because I can only draw barns"

"What happened when the Italian chef died? He pasta away"

"How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house? A right a right a right"

"[text] I'm very hungry but I'm sick and tired of the food at my work! ;( Maybe I'll try bringing lunch from home?!"

"My attempt at a joke? My mum is going through Labour and my dad says: ""Could Ukip already?"""

"Bathroom Break A client told me she had to cut our meeting short to go to the bathroom.... she was full of shit."

"What is a primate's ideal salary? A gorillian dollars per year."

"Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605."

"the similarities between a wife and a grenade if you pull the ring off, the house is gone"

"Pluto is not a planet He's a dyslexic god"