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Joke of the Day

"I lost my voice. If whoever finds it could resume screaming at my ex-husband, that would be much appreciated."

"What is a happy cowboy's favorite candy? A jolly rancher."

"You literally misuse the word ""literally"" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally."

"If you could choose between having a light saber or saving a child..... Which color light saber would you choose?"

"When the zombie apocalypse finally starts, I am running straight to the graveyard to play the most epic game of whack-a-mole ever."

"Science Jokes Thread on AskReddit! For your amusement: http://en.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1auxsf/what_are_some_funny_scientific_jokes_that_you_know/"

"Cubs fans last night looked more distraught than Patrick Kane's last blind date."

"What is Facebook? Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's ."

"Giving birth? Passing a gallstone? Monica Seles tennis match? Possible scenarios from sounds emitted from chic on elliptical next to me"

"Remember when we were young enough to order mozzarella sticks and not think, ""maybe deep fried cheese isn't the best life decision?"""