186009

Joke of the Day

"You literally misuse the word ""literally"" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally."

"What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !"

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven"

"Why are prostate exams so important? They show how much of an asshole you are"

"Mountains ain't just funny... They are hill areas."

"How to kill 20 flies at once Slap an Ethiopian"

"I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa. Well, I think it is a scam. Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving."

"I hope that fat guy didn't notice me glancing at the weight limit sign on the elevator just now. Or clearing my throat and pointing at it."

"Cupping? Isn't that what tween girls do to fatten their lips? #olympics2016"

"Why did God put the ring on Saturn? Because he liked it."