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Joke of the Day

"My friend tried to get me with bird puns today... I told him toucan play that game."

"I always date mathematicians. That way when they ask why I'm breaking up w/them I can say DO THE MATH JERRY. Oh yeah & I always date Jerries"

"What did the Spannish Amoeba said to the other Amoebas? ""Hola Amoebas!"""

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasoreass"

"saying ""we won"" after watching a sports game is like saying ""we played really well"" after watching a concert"

"[1st date] Maybe next time i could meet your dog [2nd date] Your dog is so cool [3rd date] Do u mind if me & your dog hung out without you"

"Whats all of this fuss about reposts? I haven't seem any all year! (It's 12:00 NZST)"

"To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all."

"I asked my girlfriend at dinner, ""Why are you being so salty?"" Her response - with a flat, even look: ""I've been well seasoned."" I lost it"

"I ran into my ex today. Long story short, my car is totaled."