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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] Maybe next time i could meet your dog [2nd date] Your dog is so cool [3rd date] Do u mind if me & your dog hung out without you"

"I just poured my coffee with my left hand so it would feel like someone else was doing it."

"What do you call an intense love of math? Calculust."

"Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here !"

"It doesn't matter where you are, an old lady is about to be in your way."

"If wandering off was an Olympic sport, my mind would be a gold medalist."

"The next time you're tempted to crack an easy joke about a typo on a Chinese menu, consider how well you write in Mandarin or Cantonese."

"I feel ripped off. I was with a bunch of kids today and not one of them said anything even remotely darndest."

"What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby? You can't fuck a rock ..."

"How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? None, the changes necessary will come from within."