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Joke of the Day

"What do a UT Austin student and a Texas A&M student have in common? They both applied to UT Austin"

"Opened the bathroom cupboard and a bunch of feminine hygiene products fell out on me. It was a tampede."

"How much does a Satanist weigh? A pentagram."

"I always find New Year's Eve stressful. I've been diagnosed with old langxiety."

"They told me to dress for the job I want, not for the job I have. They fired me the next day because I dressed for a blowjob. I'll show myself out..."

"I have to poop like the Joker... really, really bad."

"Has anyone woken up Green Day yet?"

"ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car's shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I'm sexy."

"What's the difference in roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef."

"What does R. Kelly say to his kids when they do something bad? Urine trouble"