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Joke of the Day

"Glue is weird it's all like hey I want to stick these pieces of paper together wait I have an idea hand me that dead horse"

"Don McClean's wife just surpassed American Pie as his greatest hit."

"What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? we are both lawyers"

"What the hell Hollywood? I've never had to rub blood between my fingers to know that it's blood."

"The inauguration ceremony should be like the olympics. They can play the US national anthem, then the Russian one."

"What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing"

"A gang of nefarious thieves walk into a bar. ""Ouch,"" they said."

"Why did Walt and Skyler get divorced? There was no chemistry."

"I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic... How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?"

"What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you."