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Joke of the Day

"You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets."

"drank a Mike's Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?"

"Bruce Jenner's Gender. . . Is turning into a real Brucehaha"

"My cat was looking for a place to sleep today, all she kneaded was my lap."

"Once you understand they're unwilling time travelers dropped here moments earlier, the confused actions of squirrels suddenly make sense."

"Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dining room, patio..."

"A philosopher goes to a hotel. Philosopher: Can I get a room please? Receptionist: Sure. Which one? 2B or not 2B?"

"Why did Katie Holmes get rid of her fancy car? She got tired of all that Cruise control."

"""PS, I love you"" -- Me to my PlayStation."

"First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh what did you have done? First witch: Nothing I was just going in for an estimate."