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Joke of the Day

"Thanks for painting the cell towers green so they look like trees, California, but can you paint the homeless like pavement next?"

"I have a plan. I bring him home ,but don't sleep with him. Long story short he pays for the taxi."

"What does a crow call his penis? His CAWk."

"I had to unplug my mom's life support today. She always told me to finish my vegetables."

"I cross-bred an octopus and a panda. Let me know if you're interested in a pretty amazing hug."

"My friend just launched the second hubble into space... A hubble bubble."

"Are you a monosaccharide? 'Cause sugar, you're basic."

"What's the difference between pussy and parsley? I don't eat parsley. -Andrew ""Dice"" Clay"

"Grocery store flowers; show someone you care slightly more than not at all."

"Buying a car from Hertz is like marrying a Prostitute It may look good on the outside, but you have no idea whose been in it or what they've done to it."