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Joke of the Day

"I made a popular girl laugh today... by asking her out."

"What is the only thing standing between me and being rich? I haven't hit Reddit gold yet."

"Just snipped off a toddler's faux-hawk while his mom was in the bathroom at Starbucks, because I give a shit about the future."

"So, the Muslim word for sin is haram... ... does that mean a Muslim's sinful girlfriend would be called a... Haram bae? I'll see myself out."

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

"How do you know you're talking to a pilot? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"I went to school without my shoes today. I got shoe-spended for a week."

"The Monkey Do you know why the monkey fell out of the tree because he was fucking dead."

"Dear men, We love you until you forget to call or show up late or breathe the wrong way - women P.s you're reading this tweet wrong"

"England 1 - 2 Iceland Credits to Iceland though, can't take that away."