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Joke of the Day

"I was on a date last night and the girl said my breath smells like fire. I said, ""yeah, I ate my mixtape."""

"You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse."

"Who runs the 100 acre wood website? www.innie the pooh."

"My ex is coming to town tomorrow so I have to lose fifty pounds by morning."

"I fell off a forty foot ladder today.... lucky I was on the bottom rung."

"The best part about this status update is that by the time you've finished reading it you realize that there is absolutely no point to it"

"What do you get when you mix Viagra with Disney World? Kicked out."

"What do you call a French bathroom with a bomb in it? Linoleum Blownapart"

"I just got a girl pregnant, now ill finally have a little brother."

"Two clean jokes that start dirty. What's brown and sticky? A STICK! What's a foot long and slippery? A SLIPPER!"