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Joke of the Day

"Throw stones at people who live in glass houses. They won't throw them back because they've been told their whole life that they shouldn't."

"What's the Difference between Jam and Jelly? What's the difference between Jam and Jelly? I can't jelly my cock in your ass. Inspiration taken from How I Met Your Mother :)"

"My real mom put me up for adoption because the cat was allergic to me :("

"Klondike bars, Hitler did it for one"

"Judas: C mon Jesus we re gonna be late for last supper Jesus: The what?? Judas: The supper.. we re gonna be late for supper."

"I tried, I really did. I threw my hands up in the air and waved them like I just don't care. Then I realized I do care. Damnit, I do care."

"Why was the geophysicist arrested? He was doing crystal math."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? Yeah, he pasta way"

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Cut the brake lines on his Prius."

"What do Amy Schumer and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts."