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Joke of the Day

"Why would America make the bald eagle its national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away and nevermind I think I get it now."

"WalMart is closing down 269 stores in 2016 Due to this, 17 cashiers will lose their jobs."

"What does Tim Cook do when he's home alone at night? Jack off"

"The first mate on a pirate ship sees the captain with a wheel in his pants... The first mate asks why the helm is there and the captain replies, ""Yar, it's drivin' me nuts."""

"Drug sniffing dogs are wrong 80 percent of the time. You would be too if you were sniffing drugs all day."

"I got pretty cool moves while dancing... But they say, so do people with parkinsons."

"There is a time and a place for accosting people with baguettes (2 p.m., Whole Foods)."

"Why don't North Koreans like jazz music? Because they don't have Seoul."

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess' on it ... So I said, ""implants?"""

"What concert can you get in with just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback."