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Joke of the Day

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess' on it ... So I said, ""implants?"""

"Its national left-handers day I'm going to rub one out with my right hand to give lefty his day off"

"How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!"

"What's the difference between a hobo crack addict and a millionaire crack addict? 99 dollars."

"Am sorry boss, I know I said I'd do that report this morning. But the girl next to me on the train was wearing a short skirt, & I forgot I even had a job."

"My sister is a mathematician... She celebrates 4/20 on January fifth because it's just simpler that way."

"I caught my son wiping his boogers on the couch which is gross because I don't want our boogers mixing."

"Which baseball team is currently the favourite with hamburger fans? The Cincinnati Reds -because they're the Big Bread Machine!"

"What's the difference between tired and exhausted? When you run in front of a car, you get tired When you run behind a car, you get exhausted."

"If you're not carrying around matchbooks from places you've been recently I don't know why you don't want your murder to be solved"