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Joke of the Day

"There is a time and a place for accosting people with baguettes (2 p.m., Whole Foods)."

"Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Huge tits."

"So this kid in my anatomy class asked where the gluteus maximus was... In my opinion it was a dumb, ass question."

"Do let me know if you're ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You're welcome :)"

"My next door neighbour is really loud and obnoxious. So now I know how Canada feels. Well, it's what he would have wanted more."

"Putting a woman on a $10 makes sense . . . . . . no one really wants a 1 or a 5. (As heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me)"

"I walked in on two mummies making out. I told them to get a tomb."

"Teens don't know how good they have it with lyrics sites. We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us."

"My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing."

"A dyslexic guy... Walks into a bra."