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Joke of the Day

"I farted in my wallet. Now i have gas money"

"""OH NO PYTHON whew just my nose. OH NO COBRA nope still my nose. OH NO RATTLESNAKE shit, nose. God I can't live like this."" -Elephant"

"What's the difference between a Lentil and a Chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a Lentil on my face."

"Women and washing machines What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? Washing machine doesn't want to cuddle after you drop a load in it."

"Doctor Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts and here... it hurts and here... and here... What do you think is wrong with me? You have a broken finger!"

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change."

"Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets? They're huge blubbermouths."

"If my neighbors are gonna get angry every time I see them... why did I even buy the binoculars?"

"If I had a million dollars for every time I lost money... I'd have $43."

"Why do midgets refuse to wear tampons? Because they keep stepping on the string."