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Joke of the Day

"""OH NO PYTHON whew just my nose. OH NO COBRA nope still my nose. OH NO RATTLESNAKE shit, nose. God I can't live like this."" -Elephant"

"So my friend told me... So my friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a watermelon at him."

"Joke about China [censored]"

"Why would 12:00 make the best cop? ""Hands up"""

"Sure... when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's ""sexy"" and ""art"" But when I do it I'm ""drunk"" and need to ""get out of Home Depot"""

"Daughter: Here you go! Me: You're my favorite. Son: Yesterday, you said I was your favorite! Me: Yesterday, you were closest to the remote."

"PATIENT: I bet medical school was pretty tough DR DOG: yeah I remember one time I did my assignment 4 times bc I ate the first 3 copies lol"

"Why are a prostitute and a teacher so similar? They both get screwed"

"You know what I like about high school girls? I will be back, rec time is over."

"A sexy radical feminist walks out of a civil rights meeting with blood on her hands... ... When asked what happened, she replied: ""a small issue came up, and we had to cut it short"""