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Joke of the Day

"An Atheist, a Vegan, and a Jehovah's Witness walk into a bar.. I know because they told everyone in less than a minute."

"If it looks like a douchebag, and smells like a douchebag, then I must be walking by an Abercrombie & Fitch store."

"What do you call a clean, good looking well behaved monster? a failure!"

"Morning! I was walking through a graveyard yesterday morning, and saw a guy crouched down behind a grave stone. ""Morning!"" I shouted. ""Nah, just taking a shit!"" He responded."

"[loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks."

"I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I am a ventriloquist."

"Saw a cute girl at work today. I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left."

"[Biden runs into the oval office] ""Barack, ISIS are on the phone. They want a shipment of updog. I asked what it is but they just laughed"""

"I don't think I'll ever get married... Instead, I'll find a woman I don't like and buy her a house."

"What would George Washington do if he were alive right now? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin."