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Joke of the Day

"If it looks like a douchebag, and smells like a douchebag, then I must be walking by an Abercrombie & Fitch store."

"What's a Mormon's favorite sexual position? You'd probably think it's missionary, but i'm pretty sure they'd try the back door if they had the chance."

"How many literalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One."

"The Subjunctive mood is pointless. If I were to create a language, I wouldn't include it."

"A repost walks into a bar... ....Nah, nevermind. You've probably heard it before."

"""I'd hit that if I was drunk."" - Me, driving by a mailbox just now."

"How much of Canada has a person from Iqaluit seen? Nunavut."

"I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler's diarrhea."

"I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either"

"How did Hitler tie his shoes? In knotsies. (The unfollow button is only a click away)"