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Joke of the Day

"I hurt myself doing the Safety Dance."

"Two muffins sitting in an oven... The first turns to the other and says ""Holy shit, it's hot in here"" The other exclaims ""Holy shit! A talking muffin!"""

"I heard Oscar Pistorius might walk at the end of the trial It's a miracle."

"I'm only 19 and my eyesight is constantly getting worse. When do I get Adult Supervision?"

"Why was the little boy unhappy? Because he had a frog stapled to his face"

"I went to an orgy for squares and was confused by their one weird rule. Don't fuck around!"

"I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!"

"Wait...so I get a million dollars AND I get to punch a baby in the face? -me when someone asks if I would punch a baby for a million bucks"

"""How many..."" How many blacks do you need to start a riot? Minus one."

"An American tourist found himself in a sleepy country village and asked one of the locals the age of the oldest inhabitant. ""Well sir"" replied the villager ""we ain't got one now. He died last week."""