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Joke of the Day

"I heard Oscar Pistorius might walk at the end of the trial It's a miracle."

"Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? ... There was nothing left but de Brie."

"What's the difference between a slice of toast and an Iraqi..? You can make soldiers out of a slice of toast"

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? To find a tight seal."

"The Feds say that marijuana has no accepted medical use, overlooking how it could help 20 million unemployed Americans not give a shit."

"[in bed] Her: *seductively whispering* in the mood for a midnight snack? Me: *Oreo crumbs all over my face* I'm way ahead of you"

"Back in my day we didn't call meeting strangers from the Internet in random places for a weekend ""tweet ups"" we called it ""shit you dont do"""

"ME: [leaning over toilet] Hold back my hair YOU: Ok ME: [drinks from toilet like dog] YOU: You've made your point I'll wash up some glasses"

"Obama this, Bush that... How about if you're still unemployed after 3+ years you might just be a loser?"

"Spiders were super disappointed when they finally saw the world wide web."