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Joke of the Day

"What are the two fastest things in the world? The second fastest is your asshole snapping shut. The first fastest is that little drop of water..."

"I'm just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner"

"[Google search history] Moles How to kill moles How to make homemade bombs Rescue moles from cave-in Dealing with regret Mole stew"

"Remember kids, if a stranger offers you drugs, say thank you because drugs are expensive."

"TIFU by posting in the wrong sub Aw crap"

"Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way!"

"Two horses are standing in a field. ""I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"" Says the first. ""Moo!"" says the second"

"Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You're annoying enough as it is"

"Neighbor: Help I have a plumbing emergency! Me: *grabs tools* Neighbor is naked and wet Me: um what kind of plumbing are we talking about?"

"Know what ""buffet"" stands for? Big Ugly Fat Fuckers Eating Together. Credit: This loud big ugly fat fucker drinking a few tables away from me at this bar."