9386

Joke of the Day

"Two horses are standing in a field. ""I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"" Says the first. ""Moo!"" says the second"

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready."

"If my guitar weeped, gently or otherwise, the song I'd write would be called, ""Holy Shit, My Fucking Guitar Is Weeping."""

"I start my job at a restaurant tomorrow I can't wait"

"How do you mute an Italian? Tie up their hands."

"Kristen Stewart is unable to be here today, so accepting the award on her behalf is this large bowl of cold mashed potatoes."

"I challenged a guy to a game of Pool. ""The winner gets to sleep with my girlfriend,"" I declared. Boy, did he look smug when he won. Jokes on him though, I don't have a girlfriend."

"What do you call a Thu'um that makes a dragon orgasm? A Cu'um."

"I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard."

"Can't afford to get my newspaper delivered by iPad. What is that? $500 every morning?"