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Joke of the Day

"One time I stayed in a relationship three months longer than I should've because the person had a flattering mirror in their apartment"

"What does every ""Tickle Me Elmo"" get before they leave the factory? Two test tickles"

"""No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye."" Auric Goldfinger giving instructions at his Easter egg decorating party."

"Once you learn about confirmation bias... ...you start seeing it everywhere!"

"Trump walks into a bar.... Because it was set so low."

"What do you get when you put human DNA into a donkey? North West."

"Can we survive without whales? No whey."

"The guy behind me at the grocery store only had energy drinks, root beer & gummie lifesavers, so I asked how far into assassins creed he was"

"Hope Today I saw a Chinese baby and a Black baby wave at each other. It gives me hope for the future. Or at least another Rush Hour movie."

"Jesus only ever had one orgasm in his life We're still waiting for the Second Coming"